The Birth of Lewis the Gary Stu
by Kinola
Summary: WARNING: contains a ton of randomness! The events surrounding the birth of my character, Lewis Anderson. Filled with humor, adventure, and family moments. Rated for the use of the "h" and "c" words. Read and Review, please!


**Disclaimer: I own the whole shibang. Yah. And half the credit for this story goes to my older brother :)**

* * *

Okay, so once upon a time, there was a family called the Wilson family. The parents were known as Lucy and Jim and their three kids were Ted, Patty, and Bill. They lived in a trailer park in the middle of nowhere and they were farmers. Lucy, who was forty, with brown hair and hazel eyes, always wore a lot of makeup and she was just beginning to teach her daughter, Patty, aged twelve with copper hair and hazel eyes, to wear makeup just like her. Jim was teaching Ted and Bill how to work the farmlands. Jim had copper hair and silver eyes. Ted had hazel eyes and brown hair like his mother and Bill had one hazel eye and one silver eye and copper hair. 

The trailer park didn't actually have a name, but some of its citizens call it "Xanza," which I dunno what the heck that meant. Practically _all_ the ladies had their face covered with makeup and the men had to work in the fields nearby. Oh yeah, there was this junkyard nearby and the kids got stuffs here. They also played here.

Well, let's face it. The trailer park/town didn't have an official name and all the citizens were poor. Oh gosh…come on! Why the fudge would a town not be officially named?! And there's no school!! And if they're so poor, why can't they just sell the crud they find in the junkyard? What's it doin' there anyway? And where'd all that stuff come from?? Geez…

Anyway, it was in the middle of October when there was a slight chance of hope. Lucy Wilson had found out for some reason she was going to have a child. Wait…now I know why…she was four months pregnant at the time, so the tummy was rounding a little. She was sitting on a chair outside her trailer and eating a nutrious meal of Baked Lays.

Just then, a random person (we'll call him Harold) came up to Lucy and said, "Mrs. Wilson, I think we have some hope!"

"Hope?" Lucy asked confused. "What do you mean, we have some hope?"

"Our trailer park/town is getting poorer each year," Harold said. "I think this just popped into my head, but I suggest we give up your child when he or she is born and—"

"No way!" Lucy bellowed, her voice suddenly now a baritone. "You're not giving up _MY_ baby! Heck no!" She folded her arms and stuck out her tongue in a childish way.

"Now wait a second, Mrs. Wilson!" Harold exclaimed. "What I _meant_ to say was, we should give your child up to a rich family for a bazillion dollars, so they can take care of him. We'll be rich enough to build a doctor's office and a school!" And by the way, they don't really have a hospital…and if this child's born, it'll be the first in five years. Weird.

"I dunno…" Lucy muttered. "I'll have to see. But maybe, sir, it _could_ get better. Just wait and see." She continued eating her Baked Lays.

Five more months passed, and Lucy's prediction about the town/trailer park getting better was oh-so wrong. Since there weren't any police stations, criminals made their home in "Xanza." The home of the Wilson family had at least four outside their home, and each night, Lucy had to bring dinner to them against her will.

Finally, on March the 20th, Lucy finally gave birth to a little baby boy, with brown hair like Lucy's and silver eyes like Jim's. Everyone was getting hopeful, because this baby was their last chance to save their town/trailer park. Lucy and Jim named their newborn son "Lewis" because…well, they were running out of names, and "Super-Dude" wasn't a name they could call him at all.

Outside, one lady named Imogene, who wore a ton of makeup on her face, said aloud, "The baby is born. Will the mother give him up to a rich family?"

"I hope so," said Harold. He turned to the readers (a.k.a. us) and asked, "Do you think Lucy will give up her fourth child? I asked her if she would, yet she didn't reply. Will the trailer park/town be saved? Or will it crumble?"

"Dude…who the heck are ya talkin' to?" asked a random man (we'll call him Chester). Everyone was now staring at Harold oddly, not knowing what the hell he was doing.

Two months passed and the fate of the town was up to Lucy and Jim's decision. If Lewis was given up to a rich family, then they will be safe. If not, the town will crumble. Finally, Lucy made up her mind. The people gathered around her to hear what she had to say.

"For the sake of this town…" Lucy paused to take a bite of her ham sandwich with mustard on it and continued with a full mouth. "I will give up my son Lewis to a rich couple. The question is…who?"

"I know someone! Here, let me tell you!" yelled a man with an Italian accent. He pushed through the crowd and knocked a LOT of people over in the process. "I once took a part-time job as a butler; my name is Ollie Kuku-face. I was a butler to my brother's uncle's cousin's nephew's son, Lancelot Anderson. He's a rich man who lives in Point Granite. He's got a wife, Frances, and four kids, Anthony, Kelsey, Peter, and Melissa."

"Then it's settled!" Lucy said. "I will give up my son to the rich man Lancelot Anderson for a truckload of money!" And she threw her sandwich into the sky so far, it ended up in space. Whoa.

That afternoon, Lucy, Jim, Patty, Ted, Bill, Harold, Imogene, Chester, and Ollie Kuku-face headed to Point Granite…then they had to go back because they forgot the baby. They got the baby and then they went to Point Granite…but they stopped at a Burger King because they were hungry. "Yah, I'll have five Whoppers, two diet Cokes…AND WHAT DO _YOU_ WANT NOW, PATTY??" Harold said. "Just a small fry, please," she answered. "I'm on a diet." And really, she DID get a small fry. It was like, one fry, an' it was two centimeters long.

Once they eaten, they kept going onward to Point Granite…and every two minutes, someone would ask, "Are we there yet?"

"Are we there yet?" asked Patty.

"No," replied Lucy.

"How about now?" Ted asked two minutes later.

"We're not there yet, Ted, my boy," answered Jim.

Almost soon after Ted said that, Bill asked, "Are we—"

"STOP SAYING THAT!!" screamed Harold. "JUST SHUT UP UNTIL WE GET THERE! WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!"

"Take a chill pill, Harold," Imogene said and took out some Advil. "Here, have this." She put the Advil into Harold's mouth. I dunno why she gave him Advil, but Harold did feel a little better.

Ten minutes later, they stopped at the nearest McDonald's. Patty officially declared herself off her diet and got a Big Mac with extra ketchup and cheese, an M&M McFlurry, chicken nuggets, and two large fries. They were half her size.

When Lucy saw her daughter with the two large fries, she said, "Whoa…those are the biggest fries I've ever seen."

"Wait a minute…where's Lewis?" Ted asked after eating his chicken fingers.

"I was a-carrying him and…OH MY GOD!!" Jim screamed. He was carrying Lewis after they'd left Burger King but he'd left him near an oak tree without knowing it, so he and Harold ran back to get him. Luckily, the baby wasn't harmed at all, despite being near the cave of a grizzily bear.

Once they'd gotten little Lewis, who was sleeping, Lucy asked Ollie, "Is Lancelot Anderson nice?"

"Yeah," Ollie Kuku-face replied. "He's so nice…he only threw me out the window once. He gave me some money, a paycheck of twenty dollars and two cents. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I found some coins that were under his furniture or in drawers."

"Why did you quit your job?" asked Bill.

"I didn't quit; it was a part-time job!" Ollie replied. "Geez, didn't you hear me earlier?"

After they'd eaten, they continued their quest to save "Xanza," from the _EVIL_ financial problems. This time, Ollie carried Lewis. Harold was discussing the future of the trailer park/town they lived in, but then, all of a sudden, he just started ranting on about nothing in particular.

"And if an egg is blue, you'd get blue yolk with a purplish tint," babbled Harold. "And if the egg is green, the yolk is also green, but it will have a slight yellowish tint. And if a white chicken with black spots like a Dalmatian had eggs, they'd be white with…well, black spots, but the black spots will have a slight purplish tint. Now where were we…oh yes, I'M AN FREAKIN' IDIOT!!"

All of a sudden, Ollie pointed ahead of him and cried, "Look guys, there it is!"

The group looked up and saw lights. "Lights?" Lucy asked, puzzled. "But we're looking for a town, you idiot!"

"Hey, _I'M_ the idiot, Imogene!" Harold snapped.

"No, Imogene, the lights up ahead mean that Point Granite is just up ahead!" Ollie Kuku-face said. "C'mon, let's go! Onward to Point Granite!" And he began jogging towards the town, the rest of the group close behind. But after six feet, he and everyone in the group got worn out. "Okay…just walk now…to…Point Granite…" Ollie panted. He was still holding baby Lewis.

All of a sudden, something fell out of the sky and hit Harold on the head. "OW! What was that?" he exclaimed.

"Yay, it's my nummy ham and mustard sandwich!" Lucy cried. "I'm hungry now!" And she grabbed the sandwich, which was burned on reentry, and ate it all up. "Mmmmm…" she moaned. "This is sooooo good! And delicious!" (Okay, now I want a ham sandwich…) She then turned to her friends and family and asked, "Who wants a bite of my nummy sammich?" "Ewww! No way! Hell no! I don't want that piece of _that_ crap!" everyone exclaimed. Lucy shrugged at this. "Okay, suit yourselves." She finished the burned-up sandwich in one bite.

Before they could go to the mansion of Lancelot Anderson, the group went to a store and got a piece of notebook paper and a pen and then sat at a table in a nearby diner. After twenty minutes of screaming at each other plus five minutes of throwing their food at each other and smashing plates over each other's heads, Lucy was picked to write a letter to Lancelot that they would put on baby Lewis. After all, _she_ was the one who gave birth to him. She wrote:  
**  
Dear Mr. Lancelot Anderson a.k.a. The Rich Man, **

Me and my family and some of my friends come from a trailer park/town we unofficially call "Xanza." Two months ago, I gave birth to a son. His name is Lewis James Wilson. The people of the trailer park/town told me that if their way of life there was to continue to thrive, I'd have to give him up. And so, I am.  
Please Mister Rich Man, take care of my darling baby son Lewis. And we're in desperate need of money, so can you please send us $900,000 in cash to the trailer park/town of "Xanza?" It will be _very_ generous of you and if we build a school, we will name it after you. That will be _our_ reward to you if you take good care of my little baby Lewis.

Luvs,  
The Wilson Family (Lewis's family), Harold, Imogene, Chester, and Ollie Kuku-face (your old butler, remember?)

P.S. I want to eat some potatoes.  
P.P.S. I REALLY like potatoes. Yay.  
P.P.P.S. Ollie Kuku-face says "hi."  


"Gad-zooks…this is perfect!" Chester exclaimed as I ate a ham sandwich with mustard on it. It is yummers…yay.

"WOW!" yelled Harold. "We're going to be rich! I HATE YOU ALL!"

So then, after yet another twenty minutes of eating so much crap and vomiting for at least five minutes, they set off to the mansion of Lancelot Anderson. Lucy was hoping for a good future of Lewis as she carried her son in her arms.

"He will be a perfect, popular, rich, famous, and intelligent boy," said Lucy dreamily. "He will end world hunger, bring world peace, cure all deadly viruses and diseases, and become the King of the World!" "I will be glad to see that happen," said Patty. "My sweet baby brother will be a legend."

Finally, they came to the doorstep of Lancelot's really spiffy and glorious mansion. It looked just like a castle. "It's beautiful…" Patty whispered. "I want to live here," Ted murmured. "It's amazing."

"This is Lancelot Anderson's mansion," Ollie stated matter-of-factly. "I remember it like it was yesterday…"

_Flashback, some years ago_

It was a sunny, happy day in Point Granite. The birds were singing, the bees were attacking them, and everyone was smiling and acting polite to one another as they went about their lives. Ollie was painting the mansion when Frances, Lancelot's wife, showed up.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY HOUSE, OLLIE?" Frances screamed at the then current butler.

"I was painting it," Ollie replied. "Just like you said, Mrs. Anderson." He flashed her a cheerful smile.

"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO PAINT IT LIME GREEN, YOU IDIOT! I _HATE_ LIME GREEN!"

"Whoops, my bad Mrs. Anderson…"

_End Flashback; cuts back to present day_

"Now, all we have to do is put little Lewis here and hope that Mr. Lancelot will know our message," Jim said in a rather sad way. He was going to miss his little son, despite the fact that he knew him for two months.

"Goodbye, my little child," Lucy said as she put Lewis on the doorstep. "I will miss you dearly. _Always_ remember us as your dear family who were too poor to care for you. You are safe here now. I want you to grow up to be rich, famous, popular, and intelligent and become a legend in Enigami." And she gave him a big kiss on the cheek and left some lipstick there.

"I love you, too, Mommy," Lewis said. "I will miss you. And I will fulfill your dreams and become a legend." Though to the group, it sounded like baby babbling.

"Aww…he's trying to talk," Jim said sweetly. Then Lewis said, "Wow, I hope I become _really_ intelligent than these losers." Luckily they didn't understand him.

Chester turned to the group and said, "Now all we have to do is ring the doorbell and get Lancelot to come out and see Lewis on his doorstep. Now, who wants to do it?"

Inside, Frances and her husband Lancelot were drinking chamomile (a type of tea, I think) when all of a sudden; Bill was thrown through the window. Seemingly unaffected, they continued to drink the tea while Bill dragged himself back outside and shouted, "It didn't work, guys!" Five minutes later, Harold was thrown through the window next to the one Bill was thrown through and Chester screamed from outside, "THERE'S A GIFT ON YOUR DOORSTEP, IDIOTS! GO AND SEE IT!"

"I don't know…" Frances called back through one of the broken windows as Harold dragged himself back outside. "What is it?"

"It's a…baby," Lucy replied from outside. "The stork came."

"Oh my goodness!" Lancelot exclaimed as he got up. "I thought they don't do _that_ anymore!"

The couple hurried to the front door and saw the baby Lewis on their doorstep, looking up at them with his silver eyes. The Wilson family, Harold, Chester, Imogene, and Ollie Kuku-face had run off, nowhere to be seen.

Taking the letter next to Lewis, Lancelot and Frances read it. When they finished reading it, Frances asked, "Give nine hundred thousand dollars in cash to a trailer park/town that doesn't have an _official_ name? Are they _that_ crazy?"

"But they said they'll name a school after me," Lancelot said. To be honest, the father of four didn't have a school named after himself in Point Granite; only after famous people. "So, we will take the baby Lewis in. And we'll give $900,000 in cash to this 'Xanza.' Take the child in, Frances." Obediently, Frances picked up the little boy and carried him inside, speaking baby talk to him, with her spouse close behind.

And so, from that day, Lewis James Wilson became known as Lewis James Anderson. He grew up with his adopted siblings and his adopted parents in the castle-like mansion in the town of Point Granite.

As for the people of the trailer park/town, they got the $900,000 from the Anderson family and they built the Lancelot Anderson Elementary School. Their trailer park/town was officially named "Xanza" because that was the only name they could think of, and they also built a fire department and a police department, which sent all those criminals running like hell. Jim got a job at the school as a janitor.

And what happened to Ollie Kuku-face, Chester, Harold, and Imogene, you ask? Well, soon after the $900,000 was delivered, Ollie Kuku-face asked for Imogene's hand in marriage. She merrily accepted and they got married one month later and had half a dozen kids. They lived happily ever after by working for the fish market. Chester went and became a travel expert, but was fired because all the advice he gave to tourists got them in trouble with the officials. When he was fired from his first job, Chester went on to join the trailer park/town's bowling team, but was kicked off because he cheated in the finals. Soon after, he got a job at a zoo, but was also fired because he allowed people to feed the animals. Finally, Chester became a newspaper boy and is doing just fine to this day. Harold, on the other hand, became a rapper. He went into hundreds of rap battles and instantly became a celebrity known as "H-F Flow." He has an estranged girlfriend named Janet and he is currently fighting for custody rights of his and Janet's two teenaged children, Buttercup and Sparta.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Da End.  
Daaaaaa end!


End file.
